Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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