my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
