i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
