My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
