I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
