I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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