There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
