youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
