Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
