The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
