There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think i have herpe
just one?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
