Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
