But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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