Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
