so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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