I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
