i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
