walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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