The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
