3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
