Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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