Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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