i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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