My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
