I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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