Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
