God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
