The maid of honor just puked.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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