i already hear my dad disowning me
she looked like the before picture.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
