It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
