Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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