I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
