I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
