I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
