I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
