you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
