lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
