The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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