frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
