I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
