You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
