Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
