so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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