Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
