what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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