So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
