Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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