living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
