so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
