How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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