Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
