i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
